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Liz

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The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

Rogue Classicism

 
Well, I'm back from the bar, where I learned just what a total jackass I've been there recently. I am heartily ashamed (this is due to belonging to the Beer Union, and misreading something in the membership dealie- anyway, guys, I'm sorry I'm a semi-literate jackass. No hard feelings?)

Anyway, I forgot to tell you hep cats that I made last weekend a go-to-the-Musiquarium three day miniseries event. Thursday night I smoke a cigar for the first time in about six months. It was amazing, but I was so virulently tobacco-high that I nearly puked all night. Friday I went back and had a few beers, and that was nice. Saturday, my good friend from law school was in town, and we went to the 'Quarium. OMFG, it was amazing. First of all, they have this barmaid who works weekends called Tara, and she is SMOKING HOT. Oh, and when I started a tab, she asked me for my last name. I gave her my credit card, and she started taking it down from the card. Then she shook her head, and asked me to pronounce it. I did, and she said, "I can't spell it, but I can use it in a sentence." It's a terrible thing, but I fell in desperate future-drunk love with her then and there.

My friend commented to me that I should have asked her if she would scream it for me, but I wanted to come back to the bar in the future, so I refrained. But that's not all the amazing hot womanness that I witnessed. There was more. This girl came in, and her ass was amazing. It was anime-girl rounded, and had such limitless orby perfection that it clearly violated the laws of physics. Her face could not possibly match her butt's sheer sexual magnetism, but my friend and I were literally speechless.

Now, I realize that this makes me sound like some desperate ball of hormones, but really it's a mostly aesthetic appreciation. I'm quite able to separate my visceral hormonal reactions from the actions I take. I'm a passive observer, and on the record as a guy who will not hit on waitresses/barmaids. But sometimes, that iron-clad rule is nearly violated...

- Unknown, 10:38 PM

 
Hello on a Thursday (the greatest day of the week). Currently my 'puter is pumping out the Gypsy Kings' Greatest Hits. A fine little CD.

Tonight I again go to the bar (it's called Musiquarium, named after the Stevie Wonder album). It is really a fantastic place, and quite comfortable for a guy like me. I am a cheap little whiner when I get drunk, though, so naturally the lustre wears off of my presence after a while. It will be nice to see Natalie again (Jimmy refers to her as the love of my life; my instant response to him the first time he said it was: She's not even the like of my week. In retrospect, she is the like of my week, I guess).

Despite my absolute sloth and general lassitude, I am still going to the gym five days a week, and still riding the stationary bike for twenty minutes before weight-lifting and then walking a mile in 12-13 minutes afterwards. Eventually (by the end of summer, I'm thinking) my knees and calves will be strong enough that I can start jogging the mile, and hopefully cut my time to about 9-10 minutes for the mile. Hopefully by winter, I'll be running an eight minute mile. Right now the 12-13 minute mile is absolute murder on my calves and ankles, and it's already close to jogging at that rate.

I have started to fit better into my sport coats and blazers, though. Also, my pants feel as if they fit more correctly. So I am quite pleased with this workout routine. I just have to be careful to watch my caloric intake and get enough calcium (milk with cereal in the morning, and then a half cup of lowfat cottage cheese after working out but before dinner). Also, I take Tums as calcium supplements before I work out, so I'm doing fine.

I'm currently growing a beard, but I must confess it's awfully uncomfortable, especially since each day hits ninety now (and it's not even the height of summer). Still, Natalie suggested it, and since no one else even gives a faint damn about my appearance but me, and I like the way I look with a beard, I figured why not? Please note that this does not indicate that Natalie even knows who I am, really. I suspect that to her I am just another overweight generous-tipping bar patron. I have pretty much decided that unless I can figure out a non-stalking way to meet Natalie away from the bar, I will not try to ask her out. I don't want to be one of those creepy guys who hits on waitresses. Still, desperation may cause me to change my tune when I'm forty-five and alone. But I'll wait until then.

 
And pray tell, varlet, what exactly are you?

I Am A: Lawful Good Dwarf Ranger Fighter


Alignment:
Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.


Race:
Dwarves are short and stout, and easily recognizable by their well-cared-for beards. They are hard workers, and adept at stonework and engineering. They tend to live apart from other races; generally in deep, underground excavated systems, and as such tend to be distant from other races.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.


Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)



Here are my detailed results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXX (8)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXX (6)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXX (5)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXX (7)
True Neutral ---- X (1)
Chaotic Neutral - (-3)
Lawful Evil ----- XX (2)
Neutral Evil ---- (-5)
Chaotic Evil ---- (0)

Race:
Human ---- X (1)
Half-Elf - (-1)
Elf ------ X (1)
Halfling - (-1)
Dwarf ---- XXX (3)
Half-Orc - XX (2)
Gnome ---- X (1)

Class:
Fighter - XXX (3)
Ranger -- XXXX (4)
Paladin - XXX (3)
Cleric -- (0)
Mage ---- (-4)
Druid --- (-3)
Thief --- (-4)
Bard ---- XX (2)
Monk ---- X (1)